What should I do about my teenage daughter borrowing my clothes and makeup?

By Patrick J. McGrath, OC, PhD, FRSC

Dr. Pat

Question:

My teenage daughter likes to "borrow" my clothes, my makeup, and my jewellery. She continually takes my things, tries them on, uses them, and then leaves them lying around. I often can't find my things and when I do they need washing. I have tried to be reasonable, but often end up yelling in frustration. Please help!

Dr. Pat responds:

Oh my goodness, your daughter thinks you have good taste. She wants to wear your stuff. She probably also talks to you about things that are important to her.

Be grateful that you have things in common with her. Few teenagers think their moms are cool.

Since getting upset doesn’t work, try to work together. Negotiate some limits to the borrowing that you can both agree to. Compromise.

Maybe your casual jewellery is OK, but those diamond earrings should be off limits. Maybe you should not lend clothes you need for work. Lend some lipstick but keep one favourite as only yours. Be fierce with the off-limits stuff.

Do insist that she return your clothes properly folded or hung up.

If stuck, why not borrow her clothes to get out of your sweatshirt and jeans. Does she have any funky dresses?

Patrick J. McGrath OC, PhD, FRSC is a clinical psychologist and a researcher. He is Professor of Psychology, Pediatrics, and Psychiatry at Dalhousie University and Vice President - Research at IWK Health Centre in Halifax. Read more "Ask Dr. Pat" columns Ask Dr. Pat a question