My wife and I are divorcing. How can I lessen the impact on my child?

By Patrick J. McGrath, OC, PhD, FRSC

Dr. Pat

Question:

Our marriage has broken down completely. My wife and I are going to separate. What can I do to lessen the damage to my five-year-old daughter?

Dr. Pat responds:

Divorce is not good for kids. But there are things that you can do to lessen its impact.

The most important is to reduce the conflict between you and your ex. Here are some do's and don'ts:

• Don't badmouth your ex to your kid. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything.
• Do keep all interactions businesslike and courteous.
• Do keep in contact with your daughter.
• Do pay support on time. Most children live with their mother after divorce. Most of the time their standard of living drops like a stone. If you mess around with your support, you are punishing your daughter.
• Don't hassle, berate, harass, bother, annoy, criticize, belittle, disparage, rebuke, fight with, or stalk your ex. You will just be harming your daughter.

Your daughter will be better adjusted if you follow these simple guidelines. It will be even better if your wife does the same.

	PSYCHOLOGY The study of human behaviour and the function of the mind.

	PSYCHOLOGIST A professional specializing in the mind and mental processes. This may include studying the development of the mind and behaviour; studying the effects of various factors on the mind and behaviour; or diagnosing and treating mental disorders, emotional disturbances, and behaviour problems.