My four-year-old son tried to flush our cat down the toilet. What should I do?

By Patrick J. McGrath, OC, PhD, FRSC

Dr. Pat

Question:

My four-year-old son tried to flush our family cat down the toilet when he didn't get his own way.

Dr. Pat responds:

Maybe he is not trying to hurt the cat but is just upset. Be firm, be clear, be calm, and protect the cat. Sit down and talk to him about how the cat is a living being and part of the family. Emphasize that in your family, you respect animals and must treat them kindly. This may be enough to stop this behaviour.

Make sure he knows that under no circumstances is he to hurt the cat. If he tries again, give him a firm punishment (for example, time out for 30 minutes, no bike for a day, no television for the day). Make him apologize to the cat and gently stroke the cat under supervision.

Is he jealous of the attention you give the cat? If so, include him in taking care of the cat. Praise him for his efforts. Watch that he doesn't hurt the cat.

Is your son is defiant and disobedient a lot? Does he do other violent things? If so, you and he need help, now. It is easier to help him at four years of age than when he is 12 years old. Talk to your doctor about getting professional help.

The cat needs to be protected. If you cannot protect the cat, give the cat away to someone who can.

Reaction from a reader:

When originally published, this question and answer drew the following response.

I've never taken the time to write anyone about what I've read in the paper but your story about the four-year-old who tried to flush the family cat down the toilet really bugged me!!!!! You said maybe he was not trying to hurt the cat. What tree did you fall out of!!!!

What's up with your so-called ''firm'' punishment? Time out, for 30 minutes, no bike for a day, no television for a day. Maybe you need help along with him and whoever his parent is that wrote that letter.

About the only thing that made sense was you saying, find another home for the cat.

Your advice was a joke. I have seven cats, three iguanas, and four dogs. Most of them came to us because they were abused and tossed aside. I would never, never tolerate anyone hurting my babies.

About the child, dip him in some water. Let him know what the cat felt like. Now I did not say "Hold him underwater." Just a quick dip. Too bad for all those bleeding hearts out there who think that's nasty. My heart pumps for you all. That's just a little of what's wrong with kids.

Dr. Pat responds:

Thanks for your note. You're right! Pets deserve respect, protection, and kindness. All children deserve the same respect, attention, and kindness that our pets do.

I would never punish a child or an animal by dunking in water. Harsh punishment breeds bitterness and aggression. Love and firmness brings about respect and caring.

Patrick J. McGrath OC, PhD, FRSC is a clinical psychologist and a researcher. He is Professor of Psychology, Pediatrics, and Psychiatry at Dalhousie University and Vice President - Research at IWK Health Centre in Halifax. Read more "Ask Dr. Pat" columns Ask Dr. Pat a question